Blog – Aries Yeo – Upskill Coach

Begin with the End in Mind

March 14, 2021 in Burnout, Career Development, Personal Development, Productivity, Purpose, Retirement, Time Management

Hope is the silent prayer of the heart. Hope is the rain that soothes and the oasis that quenches your thirst.. Hope is your lamp

against the trudging darkness.”

What are you hoping for this year?

More importantly, do you simply hope (wish) and do nothing or you proactively plan your outcomes (hope) to be in congruence your values, and then continue to flex your muscles to make it happen..

And let’s begin…

Looking back, I was not particularly good in putting down my goals, reflecting upon how my year had gone because I used to find that year end is just another day, another date. More important, I thought, is how I need to live my life every day.

When I decided to look deep, I realised that there was an underlying fear – fear of dreaming big or of telling anyone of my goal because if I don’t achieve it, it will be so embarrassing …

Now that I know, I got it all wrong …

There is nothing wrong in setting goals, it is how you set your goal. “Begin with the End in Mind” (habit #2 from Stephen Covey’s 7 habits of highly effective people) is a phrase which I particularly love because I finally learn that if we do not have a destination, we can easily just flow along with the goals of others since we do not have a clear understanding of where we want to head, so how can we take steps in the right direction.

If we look at the golfer who seem to know where he needs to swing his club to hit his goal as he has a clear intention – to ensure that he aims towards the final destination. Even though there will be obstacles along the way, he starts on track, he stays focused, knowing where he is going.

It is incredibly easy to get caught up in an activity trap, in the busyness of life, to work harder and harder at climbing the ladder of success only to discover it’s leaning against the wrong wall. It is possible to be busy – very busy, without being particularly effective.

I am not saying that year-end must be a time to reflect and the new year must be a time to set goals for the coming year; rather it is a good prompter, a time to check-in on where you are now with your destination and what have you learnt in this journey of yours.

There is a saying that there is no unresourceful person, only an unresourceful state. In the past, I have totally mixed up the state and the person, the behaviour with the person. When we have the right state of mind, regardless of our environment, we feel different, we see things differently and people will respond to us differently….

For me personally, 2020 is a year of achievements and accomplishments and it is not until now that I reflect upon my year that I fully realised.
– I qualified as Performance Coach with a distinction after over 12 months of hard work.
– I qualified in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) after months of pains, as it was not just a qualification, a training, a learning, it was a very personal walk of my life, my healing, my courage to step into myself.
– I found Clean Language, the beginning of another journey (look out for my next article on my story of Clean – be prepared to come with lots of tissues) as it is written with lots of tears, with sharp arrows piercing into my heart.

This is also the year that I started my coaching business, and what does that mean? I moved from pro bono coaching where I bear the cost, to having clients to bear part of the cost of working with me, for appreciating their journey of self discovery…

Reflecting back, I noted that there are many dips this year
– Cov19 means my NLP training could not proceed due to the lockdown and it was postponed for a couple of months, eventually being taken online. Meanwhile, I was told that I need to sort out my emotions as in to seek professional help otherwise I would not be allowed to resume my training for I may not be in the right state of mind to handle the training (dealing of past emotions)
– My paperwork for my Performance coaching diploma had to be re-worked as I realised I had just jotted down thoughts of each of my coaching session then without much structure. What I learned from this was to be more organised and structured, especially in terms of ICF core competencies and be crystal clear on my ongoing development.
After all the ‘hard work’ and ‘hardships’, I qualified with distinction for my coaching, and further recognitions by my NLP trainers.

Now, I found that there is another world out there in which to establish myself as a professional coach This round, the dip is much bigger because it is no longer only about working hard and being true to myself, it’s about overcoming my weaknesses, my dislikes, stepping out of my comfort zone, including making use of social media and being consistent and structured with making posts and other networking activities.

My destination is clear – I want to be amongst the top 100 coaches of the world. What does that mean? The recognition is important otherwise it will just be a qualification with no real impact. How can I make an impact if no one knows of my work. How can I truly make that difference in more peoples’ lives and help them to live a life that belongs to them, to be true to themselves, to have the courage to be authentic, living a fruitful life and to fully evolve into the whole person they are meant to be.

This seem like an impossible dream for a newly starting coach, especially with the challenges I have on hand – cov19, constant lockdown, away from my homeland (Singapore) in a small town in North Wales, UK, how bad can it get.

Yet, I know I am living in alignment to my values, my calling because I am walking the truth, I can feel it from the bottom of my heart, my soul. And in the many testimonials given by my clients, I have been told again and again that they can feel the connection, the authenticity and depth of the conversation with me. Through it, their new journey begins.

When your ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step you take just gets you to the wrong place faster.

How different your life will be when you really know what is deeply important to you, and keeping that picture in mind, you will manage yourself each day to be and to do what really matters most.

If you carefully consider what you want to be said of you at your funeral, you will find your destination.

For I have been there (unfortunately, it wasn’t mine but my child). Times may be tough but I am clear where I am heading and why I am doing what I am doing. To live a life of legacy for Nathaniel, to live in truth to myself, in accordance to my values. And this is a journey, when the wind gets strong, I will adjust my sails or slow down but not stop for I am heading towards my destination.

And when I walked this truth myself, time will tell and others will see that in me.

Decide where you want to go from here….

Begin your journey with the End in Your Mind…

Finding that Power within You

March 14, 2021 in Empowerment, Happiness, Purpose, Relationship, Retirement, Self-Leadership

Like most people’s, life is a rollercoaster of a journey. There are highs, lows and some distinct plateaus where I slept-walked through many years of existence.

I have always aspired to go to university, that’s to me is the greatest achievement in life in my younger days. Silly me, not knowing that it is my way of getting acknowledgement from my mom. I have totally forgotten what a playful child I was and what inspired me, for studies is the last thing on my little mind – school is the most boring thing in life then! . Hence, I am labelled an useless or good for nothing child. This labelling has unconsciously created a craving for higher qualification at the back of the need for acknowledgement which has driven my many directions in life including my marriage, unfortunately this has resulted in another failure.

The hunger for acknowledgement has also caused me to strike for many things in life – power/money. So I thought banking is another great adventure (with power and money) so there I was. However, there is always something nagging at me and I keep looking for more… More work, more challenges, more responsibilities, promotion, money…. It is just not enough.

Sound familiar?

Our values drive us to make decision, to act consciously or unconsciously.

You may already know what’s important to you in almost all the major areas of your life. For you have lived long enough to realise what you do and don’t want, and you are likely to do your best to keep those things in mind as you get in relationships, new careers, and other major life situations. That way, you can lead a somewhat normal and enjoyable existence. As such, in relationship for example, you might prefer an honest, respectful partner. In careers, you might value friendly colleagues. How about the wants and desires that aren’t being met?

Think about your own life for a moment. What is your vision of a really fulfilling life? What would that be like? Savor that thought….

When we take the time to think about it, most of us spend our lives searching for fulfilment.

And what is fulfilment? Having more ? Money, power, challenges, excitements, adventures/ fun?

Fulfilment is not about having more nor about what fills your pockets or closets

It’s about what fills your heart and soul

Fulfilment is about being fully alive. Fulfilment is the state of fully expressing of who we are and what is right for us. Its wholeness, satisfaction, a sense of rightness and harmony. It is aligning to our core value. Life is vibrating…. The resonant feeling, when action and deep purposes are aligned, is an enormous engine for motivation as well. Making the connection fuels the desire and commitment especially when the hill is steep or the headwinds strong.

When we honour our values and the choices we make in our lives, we feel an internal “rightness.” Its’ as if each value produces its own special tone. When we live our values, the various tones create an unique harmony. When we are not living our vales, there is dissonance. The discord can get so extreme, so jarring that it can become physically unhealthy. Because human beings are flexible and resilient, it is possible to absorb a tremendous amount of discord and keep going, but there is a very high price to pay – a sense of selling out on oneself – and the result is a life of toleration or betrayal rather than fulfilment.

20 years in the corporate world and it’s only the sudden death of my son that has put my life in a standstill! This is my threshold, my toleration of not aligning to my value for more than 2 decades, or rather I found out that I have conflicting values and been living one while struggling with another.

My quest became even more urgent. How do I live this life now– a truly meaningful and impactful life, what is my value ? Where is that “North Star” of mine. It was something that I had previously been far too busy to acknowledge, far too self-important to search for, far too scared to attempt to find.

My journey to my true self. A legacy for my son began.

Values are who we are.

• It’s a single, abstract word!
• Our deeply rooted fundamental beliefs.
• Guides that dictate our behavior and actions.
• The foundations of what is driving our decisions.
• Ingrained principles that help our declare who we are and what we stand for.

Values represent the things we cherish and hold to be most dear
Our core values are the heart, home, and centre of why we are doing what we do and what we are not doing
It doesn’t matter what area of your life you want to bring into the container, at the core of everything is ‘you’, the you that you’ve been, the you that is present and the you that you want to become.
Values are more an integral part of who we are. Development of personal values starts as early as childhood and is shaped by the beliefs and values of our parents or caretakers.
Another way to put it is our ultimate and most fulfilling form of expressing and relating. Our values serve as a compass pointing out what it means to be true to oneself. When we honor our values on a regular and consistent basis, life is good and fulfilling.
Value are what matter to us; what’s important, what we focus on (unconsciously), for they make us take action (or not take action). It is not who we would like to be, not who we think we should be, but who we are in our lives, right now.
Values drive individual’s choices and decisions. They attract or repulse us to an activity or goal and determine the actions we will take.
Take a look at how you spend your time, that will give you a good starting point for identifying your core values.
• What makes you laugh?
• What makes you angry, frustrated
• What can’t you tolerate?

Now that we know what is our values, what made us do what we do and what we don’t do. Do we question where these values are from?
Values may be instilled through pain and pleasure throughout our formative years. Initially through our parents and or carers, and later by our peers, friends, teachers and educators, religion, culture, employers, partners, society and media. They shaped own life based on what we want most and what we fear most.
We have the potential to change. The change the value that is not ours to start with. But how did it get there?
You were born authentic. You are not a copy. There is no one like, nor has been, nor will be ever again. Your best self is your ‘real’ self. You were born with a mission and role to fulfil, which is simply: be who you are. Authenticity means to be the author of your own life.

Being authentic is a lifelong process. It’s never something that anyone can give you. It’s not something you learn from books, it’s never a ‘done once’ affair. It’s every moment of every day.
Authenticity is the willingness to constantly learn and develop as a human being.
Your value evolves over time or re-enforced itself through your very experience you encountered… It takes a lot of thought, it requires you to ask many questions about what you are saying and who you are being.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by Dogma which is living with the results of other people’s thinking” Steve Jobs.

Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know who truly want to become

Are you ready to find out that Self?