Like most people’s, life is a rollercoaster of a journey. There are highs, lows and some distinct plateaus where I slept-walked through many years of existence.
I have always aspired to go to university, that’s to me is the greatest achievement in life in my younger days. Silly me, not knowing that it is my way of getting acknowledgement from my mom. I have totally forgotten what a playful child I was and what inspired me, for studies is the last thing on my little mind – school is the most boring thing in life then! . Hence, I am labelled an useless or good for nothing child. This labelling has unconsciously created a craving for higher qualification at the back of the need for acknowledgement which has driven my many directions in life including my marriage, unfortunately this has resulted in another failure.
The hunger for acknowledgement has also caused me to strike for many things in life – power/money. So I thought banking is another great adventure (with power and money) so there I was. However, there is always something nagging at me and I keep looking for more… More work, more challenges, more responsibilities, promotion, money…. It is just not enough.
Our values drive us to make decision, to act consciously or unconsciously.
You may already know what’s important to you in almost all the major areas of your life. For you have lived long enough to realise what you do and don’t want, and you are likely to do your best to keep those things in mind as you get in relationships, new careers, and other major life situations. That way, you can lead a somewhat normal and enjoyable existence. As such, in relationship for example, you might prefer an honest, respectful partner. In careers, you might value friendly colleagues. How about the wants and desires that aren’t being met?
Think about your own life for a moment. What is your vision of a really fulfilling life? What would that be like? Savor that thought….
When we take the time to think about it, most of us spend our lives searching for fulfilment.
And what is fulfilment? Having more ? Money, power, challenges, excitements, adventures/ fun?
Fulfilment is not about having more nor about what fills your pockets or closets
It’s about what fills your heart and soul
Fulfilment is about being fully alive. Fulfilment is the state of fully expressing of who we are and what is right for us. Its wholeness, satisfaction, a sense of rightness and harmony. It is aligning to our core value. Life is vibrating…. The resonant feeling, when action and deep purposes are aligned, is an enormous engine for motivation as well. Making the connection fuels the desire and commitment especially when the hill is steep or the headwinds strong.
When we honour our values and the choices we make in our lives, we feel an internal “rightness.” Its’ as if each value produces its own special tone. When we live our values, the various tones create an unique harmony. When we are not living our vales, there is dissonance. The discord can get so extreme, so jarring that it can become physically unhealthy. Because human beings are flexible and resilient, it is possible to absorb a tremendous amount of discord and keep going, but there is a very high price to pay – a sense of selling out on oneself – and the result is a life of toleration or betrayal rather than fulfilment.
20 years in the corporate world and it’s only the sudden death of my son that has put my life in a standstill! This is my threshold, my toleration of not aligning to my value for more than 2 decades, or rather I found out that I have conflicting values and been living one while struggling with another.
My quest became even more urgent. How do I live this life now– a truly meaningful and impactful life, what is my value ? Where is that “North Star” of mine. It was something that I had previously been far too busy to acknowledge, far too self-important to search for, far too scared to attempt to find.
My journey to my true self. A legacy for my son began.
Values are who we are.
• It’s a single, abstract word!
• Our deeply rooted fundamental beliefs.
• Guides that dictate our behavior and actions.
• The foundations of what is driving our decisions.
• Ingrained principles that help our declare who we are and what we stand for.
Values represent the things we cherish and hold to be most dear
Our core values are the heart, home, and centre of why we are doing what we do and what we are not doing
It doesn’t matter what area of your life you want to bring into the container, at the core of everything is ‘you’, the you that you’ve been, the you that is present and the you that you want to become.
Values are more an integral part of who we are. Development of personal values starts as early as childhood and is shaped by the beliefs and values of our parents or caretakers.
Another way to put it is our ultimate and most fulfilling form of expressing and relating. Our values serve as a compass pointing out what it means to be true to oneself. When we honor our values on a regular and consistent basis, life is good and fulfilling.
Value are what matter to us; what’s important, what we focus on (unconsciously), for they make us take action (or not take action). It is not who we would like to be, not who we think we should be, but who we are in our lives, right now.
Values drive individual’s choices and decisions. They attract or repulse us to an activity or goal and determine the actions we will take.
Take a look at how you spend your time, that will give you a good starting point for identifying your core values.
• What makes you laugh?
• What makes you angry, frustrated
• What can’t you tolerate?
Now that we know what is our values, what made us do what we do and what we don’t do. Do we question where these values are from?
Values may be instilled through pain and pleasure throughout our formative years. Initially through our parents and or carers, and later by our peers, friends, teachers and educators, religion, culture, employers, partners, society and media. They shaped own life based on what we want most and what we fear most.
We have the potential to change. The change the value that is not ours to start with. But how did it get there?
You were born authentic. You are not a copy. There is no one like, nor has been, nor will be ever again. Your best self is your ‘real’ self. You were born with a mission and role to fulfil, which is simply: be who you are. Authenticity means to be the author of your own life.
Being authentic is a lifelong process. It’s never something that anyone can give you. It’s not something you learn from books, it’s never a ‘done once’ affair. It’s every moment of every day.
Authenticity is the willingness to constantly learn and develop as a human being.
Your value evolves over time or re-enforced itself through your very experience you encountered… It takes a lot of thought, it requires you to ask many questions about what you are saying and who you are being.
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by Dogma which is living with the results of other people’s thinking” Steve Jobs.
Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know who truly want to become
Are you ready to find out that Self?
At Upskill Coach, our focus is to improve all aspects of your business starting with your people. We assist individuals, teams, and organisations in finding clarity in the chaos of today’s world by adapting their thinking to realise better results.
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